That’s the last flickers of Olympic spirit well and truly extinguished. Today saw two bastions of mean-spirited modern Britain return, with the football season starting and The X Factor (ITV1) back for its ninth series. Would the singing contest be infected by the London 2012 feelgood factor? And could it deliver a desperately needed boost to ITV after the commercial channel’s ratings hit rock-bottom while we were all glued to sport on the Beeb?
Judging by tonight’s opening episode, it’s a no and a yes. The show was just as cynical as ever, but still shamelessly, soapily compelling.
The headline-stealer was Zoe Alexander from South Wales, who works as a Pink tribute act. Amusingly, her parents do Tom Jones and Shania acts, and the clan can be booked as a family package. Not that you’d want to on this evidence. Alexander was deeply mediocre but didn’t take rejection well, launching into a foul-mouthed tirade, throwing her microphone, pushing cameramen and later getting arrested for assaulting a crew member backstage. It made for unedifying, freak show viewing, further tainted by the suspicion that she’d been manipulated by the production team.
She wasn’t the only tribute act on tonight’s show. Tulisa, Rod Stewart and Prince lookalikes all got laughed off the stage, as did Sheyi Matteo, whose voice was like Louis Armstrong crossed with the Cookie Monster. The Nando’s worker mentioned the chicken chain several dozen times, however, so is surely due a bonus from their marketing department
Three singers made an impression for the right reasons. Supermarket worker Jahmene Douglas came across as nervous and eccentric in a too-small suit, then surprised everyone with his huge vocal range and spine-tingling version of Etta James’ At Last.
Auditionees can now sing their own material and even play instruments. The other two standouts took advantage of these rule changes. First, geeky Curtis Golden strummed and crooned a smart acoustic take on Christina Aguilera’s Candyman. Then 16-year-old Ella Henderson provided the show’s emotional crescendo with a self-penned ballad inspired by her late grandfather. The remarkably accomplished GCSE student should go far.
On the judging panel, Louis Walsh seemed to have some sort of furry woodland creature perched atop his head. Nicole Scherzinger proved a likeable addition, blessed with an easy manner and an inability to stay seated. Guest judge Mel B pulled a “Queen Of Mean” act that would have been easier to swallow had the Spice Girls been able to play an instrument or hold a note. Being rude to an 82-year-old showed a serious lack of class.
There was a grandiose opening sequence to re-establish the show’s star-making credentials. Louis Walsh had an early dig at BBC rival The Voice. The X Factor had also borrowed two tricks off stablemate Britain’s Got Talent: backstage fly-on-the-wall footage and attempts to manage its Twitter coverage via on-screen suggested hashtags.
Somehow, though, the show still seemed slightly out of step with the national mood. Maybe it’s because we’re still full of positivity post-Olympics. Perhaps it’s the fact it launched on the hottest day of the year when The X Factor traditionally feels like an autumnal event. But it’s back, it’s still a slick machine and once it gathers momentum, we’ll be powerless to resist.
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